


rainbow

by companionsthroughlife (maggie_1277)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Fear, Fear of Coming Out, Insecurity, M/M, its just dan being worried, v mild tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24486106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maggie_1277/pseuds/companionsthroughlife
Summary: Dan took a big breath in. He could do this."Phil, I'm gay.""Thats ok Dan," Phil said, wrapping him up in his arms.or your first time coming out vs your 1000 time coming out.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> this is a story about dans growth over ten years. and ten years of coming out.
> 
> the title of the fic comes from dodie's song "rainbow"

2009

Dan was in Manchester with Phil for the first time and he was so happy. He was with someone he considered a friend, someone he could be close to for forever.

Him and Phil, best friend through life maybe. Or even something more if he wanted to hope.

But he was so scared to even think about his small crush on Phil. He didn't even know if Phil was gay or if he tolerated gay people. What if he didn't? What if he pushed Dan out for being wrong? What if he decided that he hates Dan and wants to never talk to him? What if-?

"Dan? Are you alright?" Phil asked, grabbing hold of Dan's hand.

They were on a bus on the way back to Phil's house.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I?" Dan rushed out, trying to end this conversation before he blurted out something dumb.

"Ok, just checking." Phil said, squeezing Dan's hand to comfort him.

He didn't let go of it for the rest of the bus ride and the walk to his house. 

"Make yourself comfortable, you can take my bed tonight," Phil said, "You're the guest so I want you comfortable, and you might not be with me sharing a bed with you."

"Why wouldn't I?" Dan asked,putting his stuff down nearby the door.

"Because I'm gay Dan." He said it so casually to Dan that it threw him for a loop.

Phil seemed so fine and so comfortable with himself and that word. That horrible word that. That word Dan can't even say to himself in the mirror. That word he knew he was but just couldn't say it.

He snapped out of it, realized that he left Phil hanging on that coming out.

"Oh Phil that's totally fine. We can share a bed, I don't want you to be hurting because you slept on the floor." Dan rushed out, trying to sooth his nerves.

Phil was gay. Phil liked guys. Maybe Phil would like him back and would want to be more than friends. Maybe he had hope for that.

Throughout the next few hours, all Dan could think about was Phil being gay. How Phil was the first out gay person he had ever meet and how comfortable he was with that label. How he was goofy and amazing and the sweetest and he wasn't wrong for liking guys.

By the time they were getting ready for bed, Dan decided he was going to do it. He was going to tell Phil what had been eating away at him for months, no years.

All he had to do was say it. The hardest part.

"Hey Phil, can I tell you something?" Dan asked.

"Is it about the sleeping arrangement, because I can sleep on the floor." Phil started grabbing a pillow.

"No Phil, your fine. I just wanted to tell you something." He could do this.

"Ok, shoot." Said Phil.

Dan took a big breath in. He could do this.

"Phil, I'm gay."

"Thats ok Dan," Phil said, wrapping him up in his arms.

"I'm gay." Dan repeated.

"Yes Dan, you are gay." Phil tightened his grip.

"I've, I've never said that before, to anyone. Even myself." Dan confessed, leaning back from Phil's hold.

"I'm proud of you Dan, so very proud."

2019

Dan was pacing back and forth in their flat. He was nervous, sure he had come out via email to his family but he still wanted to say it to his nana and mom.

He wanted to see what they would say to him. He wanted them to be in his life, closer than before.

"Dan, you will put a hole in the floor if you keep pacing. It's your birthday, calm down." Phil jokingly yelled at him from the hall.

"Phil I'm telling my nana I'm gay today. I'm worried." Dan yelled back down the hall.

Phil walked into their lounge, confused.

"Dan, you came out a month ago to her and your family. They know your gay, right?" Phil asked, getting slightly nervous.

"Yes Phil, but I haven't come out in person to them yet. They haven't seen me since." Dan said, pacing again.

"Dan-" before Phil could finish the buzzer for the apartment sounded, letting them know their guests were there. The Howells had arrived.

Dan jumped and ran towards the buzzer to let them up and ran to the door to open it and be ready for his family.

"Daniel!" His nana said, upon walking in, "And you must be Phil, nice to properly meet you."

Her voice was cheerful and she just had this happy energy that made Dan and his mother smile.

His popsie came in after his wife, and gave Dan a big hug, planting a kiss on his head. And then shaking Phil's hand, with an approving nod.

"Dan, it's good to see you," his mum wrapped her arms around the boys, "And you too Phil. It's good to see you too."

His brother strolled in. Both of them were not ready to give the other a hug until their nana looked at them.

"The both of you better hug, sibling hugs are the best kind of hugs." She said walking farther into their flat. 

The two of them locked eyes and then started laughing at each other.

"Alright, let's get this over with and have a big hug. Come here." Dan grabbed his brother, pulling him into a nice quick hug.

"Alright, get off me. Go make sure nana doesn't start going through your things while you're gone from the room." Adrian said, shoving Dan away.

"Nice to see you again Adrian," Phil spoke awkwardly, never truly knowing how to speak to someone he has never known.

"Good to see you too. How's life been?" Adrian asked, moving past Phil's awkwardness.

"Lifes been good, but it's gonna get crazy soon." Phil spoke honestly with Adrian, the two of them starting to walk towards the rest of the Howells.

Leaving Dan to take a big breath in. He can do this. 

The little Howell get-together was crashed by the Lesters coming to visit and wish Dan a happy birthday. Dan's night was filled with laughter and happiness knowing that both of his families were happy together.

He had to do only one more thing and then the night would be perfect.

"Nana, can you come with me to the balcony? I wanna tell you something." Dan asked, grabbing his drink.

"Sure Daniel, lets go." She said, grabbing hold of his hand as they walked outside.

The two of them sat down on the bench out there. He was nervous, worried about what he was about to say. She already knew he was gay, but he was still so worried.

"You have a lovely home here, Daniel," she said, looking around, "Lovely plants inside and out." 

He nodded, looking around with her, looking at all the plants Phil bought without his input.

She looked back at him. He was ready. He didn't need a big breath to know.

"Nana, I'm gay." He said.

"Deary me is that all you called me out here for?" She joked, "Was you and Phil cuddling supposed to be kept a secret from us today?"

Dan started laughing with his Nana joking around about him and Phil being so close.

"Nana, I wanted to tell you properly in person," He said once he gained his composure, "This is something massive and I wanted to tell you in front of you."

"I'm very proud of you Daniel, love whoever you want freely. I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> have a very happy pride month. love is love and it can never be taken from you, remember that.


End file.
